Sermon series coming up at church: Ecclesiastes. My favorite chapter. It's rung truer to me than any other book in the Bible when compared to real life. Most people find this book unbearably depressing and even pointless. In the same way that listening to people's perpetual problems feels pointless. ;) But I actually like this book. I never get to hear analysis or teaching on it so I look forward to it. I always learn something from this section of the Bible for whatever reason. It resonates and makes me think. It makes me be escorts girl more honest somehow. Actually, I am fairly honest w/ self - in my ultra-private life which I obviously don't blog nor talk about except very rarely. Of course, honestly doesn't necessarily equal accuracy though.

For a variety of reasons, I'm feeling pretty down lately. I've been trying to pick myself up by the proverbial bootstraps but I'm failing miserably. When you're post-40 and realize you've pretty much tried all the supposedly tried-and-tested methods for picking self up and realize none of them work very well, it's pretty discouraging to face that honest reality. What is left? I really don't need ANY lectures about anything to do w/ optimism, attitude, faith, etc. I'm above average at employing all three of those things to their capacity as needed. And you know what? They sometimes (often?) have their limits too.

Reaching far into self is a dangerous activity. There is a lot of good in most people. A lot of fun. A lot of blessedness. And there is also a lot of darkness and doubt and fear and pain and all the stuff no one wants to talk about in a perky Starbucks meet-up. No one wants to be dragged down. You know why? Because if a lot of people are honest, they live with that darkness lurking too close too. They're not doing the best job staying in Positive Land either...so why carry someone else's crap too? Just drink your lattes and laugh. It's escort r... zdqrypj09024 Here's another pretty obvious indicator of my current state of mind: Lately, I find I'm getting my feelings banged up over so little. The way someone says something, even jokingly, feels like a callous slight somehow. It is the same feeling I get when I accidentally touch an open cut on my skin. That stinging reaction that is more intense than just touching my normal skin. That anger. That sigh afterward. The recognition and the reality that some irrational sensitivities just blow over w/ time, and that's it. Nothing else you can do about it.

I think that's partly what's bothering me. There is so much lately that I feel like there is nothing I can DO to progress or change things. The same stupid crap happens over and over again - in both me and other people. Futility of any kind makes me utterly depressed. It really does. And this is not some sucky attitude while not trying, not employing a good attitude, not setting goals, not being helpful and compassionate and unselfish, etc. Quite the contrary really... I question whether I'm losing hope in a lot of basic things in life. I realize every year that I lose a little more hope. I admit it. escorts girl It's been my reality for a long time. I think that will probably continue the more I see the realities of people's lives, including my own. Sometimes I just don't want to "know" anything further about anyone anymore, including myself. Over the past several years, I know I've been gradually axing off lots of activities I would previously have put all kinds of blood/sweat/tears into only to realize those things are incredibly futile too. It's sad, but I'm starting to apply that to people too. Me included. I'm just another latte-laugher. escort escort . escort self-protectively. Putting on the show...